Worst Pet Ever
You've probably heard kids complain about pets they had as kids. The dog with the fleas. The cat with the lazy eye. The giraffe with the extra long neck.
Well I think I have one to top all of those. I was the last in a long line of kids, and my parents were totally over the whole pet idea by the time I came tugging on their pants begging for a pet cat. It wasn't going to happen.
Never underestimate the power of a desperate kid.
When my protests fell on deaf ears, I went hunting for my own pet. I went as far as the dirt patch under my house before finding one. No, there was no free cat lurking in the trash can, no stray dog hiding under the washing machine. The pet that I found was an antlion.
The first question some of you may ask is, Why are you such an idiot? followed by What is an antlion? I've included a picture of the easiest way to spot an antlion, their home, a small cone found in a dry patch of dirt. Antlions are basically insect larvae that trap other insects in their pit of death and then eat them.
Extraction of the critters is performed by blowing on the holes until enough dirt is removed that you can see the antlion. So not only did I have a crappy pet, but I had to walk around with dirt on my face to boot. Anyway, once extracted, you take the prize and place it in an appropriate container.
So now you see how my bid for Worst Pet Ever gains momentum. My childhood pet was an insect larvae that I kept in a glass jar.
While you luckier kids were playing fetch with Lassie, I was collecting ants for feeding time. While you were in the park on a sunny afternoon throwing frisbees, I was trodding around my back yard carrying a jar of dirt. While you were stroking your fluffy white kitten, I was... you get the idea.
These pets don't need flea collars. They are fleas.
And there's no happy ending for a pet like this either. He doesn't get old and lovable, he grows into a big stinky bug. Then he encounters a fly swatter or gets mashed against a car windscreen and it's all over.
Do I have any challengers?
Well I think I have one to top all of those. I was the last in a long line of kids, and my parents were totally over the whole pet idea by the time I came tugging on their pants begging for a pet cat. It wasn't going to happen.
Never underestimate the power of a desperate kid.
When my protests fell on deaf ears, I went hunting for my own pet. I went as far as the dirt patch under my house before finding one. No, there was no free cat lurking in the trash can, no stray dog hiding under the washing machine. The pet that I found was an antlion.
The first question some of you may ask is, Why are you such an idiot? followed by What is an antlion? I've included a picture of the easiest way to spot an antlion, their home, a small cone found in a dry patch of dirt. Antlions are basically insect larvae that trap other insects in their pit of death and then eat them.Extraction of the critters is performed by blowing on the holes until enough dirt is removed that you can see the antlion. So not only did I have a crappy pet, but I had to walk around with dirt on my face to boot. Anyway, once extracted, you take the prize and place it in an appropriate container.
So now you see how my bid for Worst Pet Ever gains momentum. My childhood pet was an insect larvae that I kept in a glass jar.
While you luckier kids were playing fetch with Lassie, I was collecting ants for feeding time. While you were in the park on a sunny afternoon throwing frisbees, I was trodding around my back yard carrying a jar of dirt. While you were stroking your fluffy white kitten, I was... you get the idea.
These pets don't need flea collars. They are fleas.
And there's no happy ending for a pet like this either. He doesn't get old and lovable, he grows into a big stinky bug. Then he encounters a fly swatter or gets mashed against a car windscreen and it's all over.
Do I have any challengers?
I had pet snails. Until they left me one day and I waved them bye bye.
Posted by
ChickyBabe |
5:26 PM
A challenge, eh?
We had a menagerie. Dogs, cats, horses, all sorts of poultry. If you want to talk about pet trauma, sometimes the dogs would eat some of the other animals. They ate my kitten, my rabbits, my rooster, the cat and the occasional duck.
So while you were happily collecting ants for feeding time, I was burying my pets after... feeding time.
Am I a contender?
Posted by
Sherd |
6:44 PM
Not sure if i can top your "pet", the best i can do is a wild yemeni street dog that chewed everything it could get it's teeth into, including your hand.
Tame pets were few and far between in Yemen. It was either him or a rabid cat.
Posted by
Mary Mittens |
8:06 PM
ahhh, you've stolen one of my future posts. "Most pointless pets" - similar vain.
You must have been bored as a kid. When you say container... did you feed it and stuff just put it in there to die?
Posted by
matt of comooxdom |
10:07 PM
You win hands down.
Scary man!
Posted by
Steph |
12:26 PM
OMG! A real-life Sarlacc pit!! Only really, really, really small :)
Posted by
MadameBoffin |
1:02 PM
Sherd, you're not only a contender, you've got one hand on the title belt.
Matt, sorry about stealing your post. I'll still let you use it. :p
Posted by
Bonestorm |
6:25 PM
Hehe. I was thinking Sarlacc Pit too
Posted by
Citizen_Stu |
6:59 AM