Free sample
I just got back from an impromptu grocery shop at Coles. Actually, it was more like a mercy dash for a few essentials while I'm on holidays: roast chicken, carrots, lollies, chocolate. Sad but true, I need these things to survive. Especially the last two.
As I made my way up the lolly/chocolate aisle I came across a sweet old lady in a white lab coat. You know the ones - the Sample Ladies. Usually they're behind a little desk dispensing yoghurt or a new flavour of ground up chicken liver. Today she was giving out samples of something more to my taste, lolly snakes.
"They've got real fruit juice in them," she said, reaching into the bag delicately with a pair of tongs and handing me one. I stuffed the thing in my mouth and nodded thanks, then kept on walking.
She wasn't finished yet.
"Look," she said, showing surprising alacrity by skipping past me to position herself next to the rack where bags of the snakes were selling. She waved her hand with an ambiguous flourish at them as if she was one of the girls on Wheel of Fortune. "They have dinosaurs, and koalas," she went on, pointing to each in turn. "And little letter shapes." She cackled at this as if it were highly amusing.
I picked the last of the snake out of my teeth and stared at her, unimpressed.
She clasped her hands in front of her and looked at me expectantly. The message here was clear. I gave you a snake, now buy a packet, buddy.
I moved forward reluctantly. She smiled. I reached up, over her head, grabbed a packet of home brand Teeth, nodded my thanks, and kept going.
See there's one thing that free sample woman didn't count on, and that is, I'm a religious buyer of brand name Teeth, pictured. I love the things. They're cheap, they look nasty, but I love them. Ms B absolutely detests them and thinks they taste like toothpaste. I don't think they do, but maybe this is a win-win situation where eating the Teeth actually cleans my own teeth. I doubt it, but it's the only argument I have for why I keep buying them.
Note: I have included in the photo a homo-erotic pencil featuring naked men wrestling each other for the purposes of showing the scale of the teeth, not to prove once and for all that I am gay.
As I made my way up the lolly/chocolate aisle I came across a sweet old lady in a white lab coat. You know the ones - the Sample Ladies. Usually they're behind a little desk dispensing yoghurt or a new flavour of ground up chicken liver. Today she was giving out samples of something more to my taste, lolly snakes.
"They've got real fruit juice in them," she said, reaching into the bag delicately with a pair of tongs and handing me one. I stuffed the thing in my mouth and nodded thanks, then kept on walking.
She wasn't finished yet.
"Look," she said, showing surprising alacrity by skipping past me to position herself next to the rack where bags of the snakes were selling. She waved her hand with an ambiguous flourish at them as if she was one of the girls on Wheel of Fortune. "They have dinosaurs, and koalas," she went on, pointing to each in turn. "And little letter shapes." She cackled at this as if it were highly amusing.
I picked the last of the snake out of my teeth and stared at her, unimpressed.
She clasped her hands in front of her and looked at me expectantly. The message here was clear. I gave you a snake, now buy a packet, buddy.
I moved forward reluctantly. She smiled. I reached up, over her head, grabbed a packet of home brand Teeth, nodded my thanks, and kept going.
See there's one thing that free sample woman didn't count on, and that is, I'm a religious buyer of brand name Teeth, pictured. I love the things. They're cheap, they look nasty, but I love them. Ms B absolutely detests them and thinks they taste like toothpaste. I don't think they do, but maybe this is a win-win situation where eating the Teeth actually cleans my own teeth. I doubt it, but it's the only argument I have for why I keep buying them.Note: I have included in the photo a homo-erotic pencil featuring naked men wrestling each other for the purposes of showing the scale of the teeth, not to prove once and for all that I am gay.
haha. You're a big meanie to the poor sample lady though - hope she didn't go home and cry herself to sleep because she couldn't sell a lolly packet.
Posted by
MadameBoffin |
7:06 PM
I hate sample ladies and tend to avoid them for that exact reason. A little free amount isn't really worth the trouble of the guilt trip afterwards.
Posted by
Huggies |
9:47 PM
I try to avoid eye contact with them at all times. I think they are trained in the art of eye to eye induction. One glance and you're theirs.
I like the new site design by the way.
Posted by
matt of comooxdom |
10:23 PM
Boff: maybe she will try to hang herself with a rope made from lolly snakes? I hope not! :)
Huggies: agreed, I think I will be giving them the palm off from now on.
Matt: thanks for that. I decided to change the template from the black one that every third blog in the universe is using.
Posted by
Bonestorm |
12:31 AM
just admit you are.. damn it man, you're mor interested in men playing football than your wife, doesn't that say it all...? ;)
Posted by
Anonymous |
7:30 AM
Lol, I never looked at it that way, but maybe you're right Flicka. ;)
Posted by
Bonestorm |
4:29 PM
I love lolly teeth, BUT they can't be the mint flavour, they must be the vanilla/milk bottle flavour.mmmmm
Posted by
Anonymous |
2:27 AM