Immortel
I have just spent 100 minutes of my life watching a movie called Immortel. It was like beating whacked on the head repeatedly with a wooden mallet, only more painful and not as fun.
Let's have a quick synopsis. It's the year 2095. There's a post-human thing happening and people are replacing body parts and generally looking futuristic. There is a pyramid floating over New York, out of which pops an ancient Egyptian god with a bird's head. He's looking to possess some poor unfortunate in the city below.
There are a couple of other gods who remain inside the pyramid and play Monopoly. You heard right, Monopoly.
The resident powerbroker is a CG senator who wears clown makeup. In fact, most of the characters are CG. Really, really bad CG, the kind you'd see in an episode of Charmed, but worse. This may have been an attempt to make the film seem more 'comic book-ish', but the lasting impression for me was that it made if feel amateurish.
Back to the story, and the god chooses a recently escaped-from-cryogenic-prison terrorist as his host and gets down to work. Namely, tracking down a blue haired girl with weird eating habits, and then taking her home and making sweet sweet Egyptian love to her. Or, more correctly, raping her. This happens on a nightly basis, and eventually the two fall in love. Apparently this is the way to pick up women in 2095.
All the while, these two are being tracked by a walking hammerhead shark. A bright red walking hammerhead shark. With razor sharp fingernails. Unfortunately, although this walking red hammerhead shark is a beautifully realised character, the puppeteers forget to move his prosthetic mouth while he talks, which shatters his credibility.
The god kills the shark by zapping him with blue lasers out of his eyeballs. It is a poignant and incredibly sad scene. However all is well again when the shark is replaced in the next scene by another red hammerhead shark.
Eventually the plot, if I could call it that, shudders to a halt, the pyramid disappears the protagonists live happily ever after. Nicely done. Now that it's finished I'm in the process of stapling my eyelids shut so I never have to watch something like this again.
Anyone up for a game of Monopoly?
Let's have a quick synopsis. It's the year 2095. There's a post-human thing happening and people are replacing body parts and generally looking futuristic. There is a pyramid floating over New York, out of which pops an ancient Egyptian god with a bird's head. He's looking to possess some poor unfortunate in the city below.There are a couple of other gods who remain inside the pyramid and play Monopoly. You heard right, Monopoly.
The resident powerbroker is a CG senator who wears clown makeup. In fact, most of the characters are CG. Really, really bad CG, the kind you'd see in an episode of Charmed, but worse. This may have been an attempt to make the film seem more 'comic book-ish', but the lasting impression for me was that it made if feel amateurish.
Back to the story, and the god chooses a recently escaped-from-cryogenic-prison terrorist as his host and gets down to work. Namely, tracking down a blue haired girl with weird eating habits, and then taking her home and making sweet sweet Egyptian love to her. Or, more correctly, raping her. This happens on a nightly basis, and eventually the two fall in love. Apparently this is the way to pick up women in 2095.
All the while, these two are being tracked by a walking hammerhead shark. A bright red walking hammerhead shark. With razor sharp fingernails. Unfortunately, although this walking red hammerhead shark is a beautifully realised character, the puppeteers forget to move his prosthetic mouth while he talks, which shatters his credibility.
The god kills the shark by zapping him with blue lasers out of his eyeballs. It is a poignant and incredibly sad scene. However all is well again when the shark is replaced in the next scene by another red hammerhead shark.
Eventually the plot, if I could call it that, shudders to a halt, the pyramid disappears the protagonists live happily ever after. Nicely done. Now that it's finished I'm in the process of stapling my eyelids shut so I never have to watch something like this again.
Anyone up for a game of Monopoly?
Thanks for the advice, If I'm ever in the mood for red hammerhead sharks I'll give this one a go.
I'll play monopoly with you but only if you let me win.
Posted by
Anonymous |
5:24 PM
I've seen that movie - it was completely bizarre, agreed. It could've been a really great movie if they had've laid off all the wanky CG which, like you say, destroyed the believability. But she doesn't fall in love with Horus - she falls in love with his human host. She knows it's Horus raping her not the host which is why she couldn't stand Horus. The fact that I can talk about pedantic, and confusing, details like this, demonstrates just how out there this movie is :) Oh and didn't you think it odd that, at the end, it's taken as completely normal that her child could just transform into a bird and fly away??! I mean, didn't anyone stop and say, "hello - bird child?!" :)
Posted by
MadameBoffin |
6:20 PM
Anon: I'm crap at Monopoly, it won't be so much a case of me letting you win, as you winning by default.
Boff: I think I might need to make you my official translator for bizzarro movies. I actually like weird movies (e.g. Mulholland Drive) but I didn't find this one intriguing. What you say makes sense though. I guess in a universe of CG people, bird children are not noteworthy. :p
Posted by
Bonestorm |
6:43 PM
Actually, if you want a bizarro movie on an epic fantasy-horror scale, you should rent out Nightwatch. It's Russian and is really disturbing but, you know, fun :)
Posted by
MadameBoffin |
8:36 PM
Thanks for warning me about another crappy movie not to download.
Posted by
Huggies |
10:13 PM
sounds great... when do we burn it?
Posted by
matt of comooxdom |
10:28 PM
...only if you promise that i can be RE when we play, i'll let you be isis... hehe, if you hated this one do not and i repeat do NOT watch ultra violet. same s*hit different story...
Posted by
Anonymous |
12:21 AM
Boff: Nightwatch it is. I love a good Russian epic fantasy horror type deal.
Flicka: aww but I love Isis. :p
Posted by
Bonestorm |
11:48 AM