The hunks of the future won't be muscle-bound gods with bronze skin. They won't be Ricky Martin-esque latin heart throbs. They'll be guys with bits of computers hanging off them.

Or at least that's what these guys hope.



Wearable computing. It's the art of deconstructing your computer and then arranging the parts on your body in the most geeky fashion imaginable. That's the only conclusion I can derive from these pictures. I first came across this phenomenon a few years back, when a client of mine had pictures of these guys all over his Windows desktop. He was a young geeky type himself, and had developed a hero worship of them.

As such, he didn't appreciate my reaction the first time I saw them, as I let out a loud guffaw and laughed "What a bunch of losers." He looked up at me with an expression not unlike a puppy dog when you tell it you're going away for three weeks: utter desolation. Maybe people had been telling him these guys were cool up until then. I decided to backpedal.

"Erm, actually... it's a pretty good idea," I said. It was a lame attempted save, but he bought it, and, rejuvenated, went on with a ten minute spiel about how we'd all look like this in a few years. I can only hope and pray that he is wrong on that count.

Let's dissect the photo a little, starting with the guy on the left. Hmm. Actually, he doesn't even need explanation, so I'll move to the right, to the guy who looks like an extra for the Star Wars ewok movie. You know those guys who rode the speeder bikes? The sex appeal of the giant hat cannot be underestimated here.

The next guy is the ultra cool hombre of the bunch. His left arm is extra muscly from having to hold that annoying eye piece up all friggin day. Note the colour coded utility belt, you may hve to look twice to notice the ingeniously concealed whitegoods jutting out from his hip.

The guy in the hat has attitude. Check the aggressive wide stance, the hands in the pocket. The stomach pouch bulging with assorted computer bits. It screams "girls, take me". In the future, wearing a computer will mean looking fat. Get used to the idea.

Second from the right we have the guy who couldn't be assed finding a place to secure his hard drive, power supply and other bits, and just left them hanging from his shoulders. He suffers severe electric shocks in light rain from those exposed electronics, but at least he looks cool. His oversized bum bag is a winner with the babes as well.

Lastly we have a guy who saw too many Matrix movies and can't even match his shoes with the rest of his outfit. Plus he has issues with depth perception with one eye covered up like that, resulting in him cannoning off female dancers in nightclubs. Apparently this adds to his charm.

Ladies, start your engines.

Now before you start sending me death threats, money and other hate mail for not revealing the contact details for these gentlemen immediatly, I must add that I don't have their contact details. Bad luck.

But never fear. Apparently in a few years all guys will look like this.

Posted by Bonestorm on Wednesday, July 26, 2006 at 11:51 AM | Permalink