Jesus is my coach
He's not really my coach. It's actually the slogan for a series of statues available for purchase from a couple of Christian sites on the web. As a foreword, I'm not making fun of anyone's religion here, but the statues themselves seem kinda absurd to me.
It's a little known fact that Jesus played short stop for Jerusalem back in his day. He also had a mean curveball by all accounts. Here he shows a young upstart the basics of holding the bat as straight as possible. We can only assume the next statue in the series shows the kid at the rear on a stretcher, since he's crouching close enough to have his head knocked clean off by the backswing.
This one I caption 'Air Jesus'. He may have never been tempted to sin, but even Jesus can't resist holding the basketball tauntingly out of reach of the stumpy kids in this statue. He could certainly outdo Jordan and Kareem in 'airtime' as well, once recording 3 hours 14 minutes hang time on one single dunk after coming off the bench for the Lakers.
I'm not even going to go near this one. I just included it because it looks so sinister.
These kids obviously never read the part of the bible that says "Though shalt not crash tackle the Prince of Peace!" I'm sure it's written somewhere. Jesus sets a bad example here by playing without a helmet, but I guess when you can raise yourself from the dead safety isn't really an issue. Also made history in the NFL when he threw a ball 90 yards and then caught his own pass in the endzone.
I call this one 'Bend it like Jesus'. Forget about Maradona's 'Hand of God' goal in the world cup. This is the go-to guy for miracle goals. Sandals may not seem the most appropriate footwear for soccer, but look closer. Those are Nike sandals.
I'm sure these would make fine additions to anyone's mantlepiece.
It's a little known fact that Jesus played short stop for Jerusalem back in his day. He also had a mean curveball by all accounts. Here he shows a young upstart the basics of holding the bat as straight as possible. We can only assume the next statue in the series shows the kid at the rear on a stretcher, since he's crouching close enough to have his head knocked clean off by the backswing.
This one I caption 'Air Jesus'. He may have never been tempted to sin, but even Jesus can't resist holding the basketball tauntingly out of reach of the stumpy kids in this statue. He could certainly outdo Jordan and Kareem in 'airtime' as well, once recording 3 hours 14 minutes hang time on one single dunk after coming off the bench for the Lakers.
I'm not even going to go near this one. I just included it because it looks so sinister.
These kids obviously never read the part of the bible that says "Though shalt not crash tackle the Prince of Peace!" I'm sure it's written somewhere. Jesus sets a bad example here by playing without a helmet, but I guess when you can raise yourself from the dead safety isn't really an issue. Also made history in the NFL when he threw a ball 90 yards and then caught his own pass in the endzone.
I call this one 'Bend it like Jesus'. Forget about Maradona's 'Hand of God' goal in the world cup. This is the go-to guy for miracle goals. Sandals may not seem the most appropriate footwear for soccer, but look closer. Those are Nike sandals.I'm sure these would make fine additions to anyone's mantlepiece.
hahahahahahahahahaha *wipes tears from eyes* Hilarious.
Jesus: He's better than you at everything
Posted by
MadameBoffin |
12:10 PM
Lol Boff. Demoralising, isn't it? :p
Posted by
Bonestorm |
1:58 PM
haha! bend it like jesus! hahaha
Posted by
Anonymous |
2:50 PM
hey, wait a minute, wait a minute... i'm sensing something here... you and ms b?
Posted by
Anonymous |
2:55 PM
Heh heh.
Funny!
Until you realise THEY MEAN IT.
Brrrrrr.
Posted by
Sherd |
6:44 PM
Surely surely a piss take - no?
This is probably the funniest single thing that I have ever seen and yes they are most probably done in all seriousness.
Please send me the link - I want to use it again and again and again until the tears of laughter cause internal bleeding.
Brilliant.
Posted by
matt of comooxdom |
10:12 PM
Sherd: scary isn't it?
Matt: Lol, glad you got a laugh. I know I pissed myself first time I saw it.
And yes it's real. By popular demand - the link here.
Posted by
Bonestorm |
10:33 PM
Where is Jesus the boxing coach or Jesus the boot camp drill instructor?
Posted by
Citizen_Stu |
10:43 PM
Good God no!
Try http://www.threatalertjesus.com/
Although i suspect it to be a piss take, you never know with these bible bashing types!
Posted by
Mary Mittens |
3:42 AM
Jesus sets a bad example here by playing without a helmet, but I guess when you can raise yourself from the dead safety isn't really an issue.
Lolol!! This was too damn good!
I have to agree with you, the sinister one with the gymnastics-posing kids is a ittle odd :-) This post is hilarious. Thanks for the chuckles!
GG
Posted by
~ good girl ~ |
5:24 AM
Stu: if you are a dab hand at making statues, you could make some money with those ideas. :p
Mary: staying alert with Jesus! He's watching over us... I can feel it. Good link. ;)
GG: glad you got a larf. :)
Posted by
Bonestorm |
9:34 AM
Comedy gold!
I don't know about you, but i'd feel pretty intimidated getting batting advice from Jebus himself.
Talk about pressure to perform!
Posted by
Steph |
12:13 PM
Too funny!! But one has to wonder if they are serious.
Posted by
ChickyBabe |
3:40 PM
How about fight club Jesus?
"There are two rules about Jesus club."
Posted by
Citizen_Stu |
5:25 AM
very nice!!! I think I might order the "Air Jesus" :)
Posted by
Stavanger |
10:30 AM
You have been watching too much early morning religious television.
Posted by
Huggies |
11:11 AM
Chicky: they sure are true. Check the link in my earlier comment.
Stu: we don't talk about Jesus Club. :p
Charlemagne: you can't go wrong with that one!
Huggies: how did you guess??
Posted by
Bonestorm |
3:57 PM
That's horrible, and unfortunatly very sad.
--RC of strangeculture.blogspot.com
Posted by
RC |
7:50 AM
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